Allison Holker Boss Sees Therapist After 'tWitch''s Suicide

Allison Holker Boss is sharing her journey of moving forward since the tragic death of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who died by suicide at the age of 40 in December 2022.

In a heartfelt essay written for Glamour, the professional dancer and So You Think You Can Dance judge opened up about the profound impact Stephen's passing had on her life. She described grappling with how to continue living in the aftermath of such a devastating loss. Eventually, she made the decision to seek professional help.

"I had never seen a therapist before this. Never. But having a therapist was really beneficial, just having someone to open up to, but also receiving advice on how to handle things, especially in a really public setting," Allison, 36, shared in her essay. "Part of that is because I’ve never been a person to need to ask for help in my life, ever."

"And oddly enough, something I realized very shortly into this grief and trauma was that people actually got really offended that I didn’t ask for help," she continued.

"Not to mention, I also didn’t know what I needed help with because I’m such a to-do oriented person. No idea," she added.

In addition to seeking therapy, Allison, who shares three children with Stephen, emphasized the importance of consistency and support in her healing process. She recounted how her oldest brother would make breakfast for her family every morning without fail, demonstrating the power of routine during difficult times.

"He didn’t ask if we were hungry, didn’t ask what we wanted," she shared.

Reflecting on her own routine, Allison highlighted the significance of maintaining everyday rituals regardless of life's challenges.

"That meant making my regular cup of coffee, and having my personal time before the kids got up, doing my hair and makeup, saying my affirmations, and going through my planner, getting organized," she wrote.

"I’ve had this routine for years. I had no idea how beneficial it was going to be to help get me through this grieving process, because quite literally, it’s so engraved in me that even on my hardest days, I still get up and go through that pattern," she continued. "I love hair and makeup, so taking the time to do it makes me feel better about myself. And talking to myself for 15 minutes straight, saying those affirmations, really helped me show up. Having those healthy habits is a big reason I’ve been able to get this far."

In the essay, Allison also reflected on her role as a model for her children Weslie Renae, 15, Maddox Laurel, 7, and Zaia, 3. The most significant lesson she wants them to gain from her experience is the importance of perseverance.

"It’s what I tell my kids every single day. I wish I could give people a playbook of how to live through what I’ve experienced, but I have no idea," she said. "The only thing I can do is show up and figure it out as I go because that’s all I know how to do. It’s the only thing I’m in control of. Whether it’s for work, my kids’ parent teacher conference, a soccer game, a basketball game—I show up. We show up."

Allison first confirmed the heartbreaking news that Stephen had died from suicide at age 40 on Dec. 14, 2022.

"It is with the heaviest of hearts that I have to share my husband Stephen has left us," Allison said in a statement to PEOPLE. "Stephen lit up every room he stepped into. He valued family, friends and community above all else and leading with love and light was everything to him. He was the backbone of our family, the best husband and father, and an inspiration to his fans."

The couple first connected in 2010 when they appeared as all-stars on season 7 of So You Think You Can Dance, but they didn't hit it off until the season wrap party.

"We shared a dance at the wrap party of that season of So You Think You Can Dance and we have been together ever since," Stephen previously told PEOPLE.

"There was no dialogue, there was no conversation or a first hangout. Literally, we danced and we were together holding hands the very next day," Allison added.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.

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